Conversation Snippets:

I do not ask people permission to put these up here. Then again, I don't put up something unless it's funny and harmless. Names are often omitted, spelling errors are not.

[MSKing] See how angelic I am?

[Firebyrd] *rolls her eyes, looking for the horns holding up the halo*

[MSKing] You won't find them. They're invisible.
I mean, there are no horns!
Why the very notion. Hmph!

[Firebyrd] *laughs* Did you ever get your glowing eyes?

[MSKing] I'm trying to get them to refund my soul.
We'll see. There are laws afterall.

[Firebyrd] Yes. You can always sue them.

[MSKing] Not those laws.
They have all the lawyers in their back pockets.

[Firebyrd] Dang. Hmmm...

[MSKing] I'll find a way.
Even if I have to get the Council of Village Idiots into it.

[Firebyrd] LOL What can the CVI do?

[MSKing] Visit the devil. He doesn't like that.

[Firebyrd] All they do is visit him?

[MSKing] Says they blow too many bubbles or something.

[Firebyrd] Awww, you're too nice.

[MSKing] Yes I am.
I need to main more people.
Maybe stake out some heads in my front yard.

[Firebyrd] How do you main people?

[MSKing] First, you hit the backspace key.
And then you type an 'm' instead.

[Firebyrd] *giggles*

[MSKing] And then you get your trusty bag of tools.
You know: salt, scissors, hooks, pixie sticks...

[Firebyrd] Salt?

[MSKing] For rubbing into wounds.

[Firebyrd] But that doesn't maim a person, just hurts them.

[MSKing] Also in case I decide to eat their liver right in front of them.

[Firebyrd] *snickers*
Okay, I buy that.

[MSKing] My work is not done if the mind does not get a little "love" as well.

[Firebyrd] Ahhhh.

[MSKing] Buy that...what is this, Wheel of Fortune?
This is MAINING, backspace, M!

[Firebyrd] *dies*

[MSKing] Oh, well, that kills the conversation.

*MSKing turns on the tv and a religious service with music is on*

[Mother] That sounded like someone died.

[MSKing] Someone did. His name was Jesus.

Even funnier when you realize I not only don't have a religious bone in me, I lack religious cartilage and muscle tissue as well.

[Firebyrd] Argh! Stupid computer.

[MSKing] I forgive you for leaving me since it was very brief.

[Firebyrd] Thank you, oh magnaminous one

[MSKing] I hope you weren't insulting me with big words.

[Firebyrd] *snickers*
Never, oh gracious one!

[MSKing] Good. Cause I've got a dictionary and a mother that knows how to use it!
*defiant*

[Friend] Must find new planet..

[MSKing] Or trick the humans off this one...
"OMG! This planet is infested with BUGS!
*waits*
Okay. That one won't work.

And that wasn't even the best of our conversation. *cackle*

[MSKing] But you should look around and see if you can't get some other beta readers for it. :)

[Firebyrd] True, true.

[MSKing] Because I'm just one small dork in an ocean of whales.

[Firebyrd] Hah! You're good.

[MSKing] Yes, well, it's not the size that matters. :)

I'd like to say I'd never do that to y'all again, but sometimes I'm accidentally honest.
And I didn't just put that up because I'm being complimented. Really!
...
Stop looking at me that way, damn you!

[Mom] Tell Dad what movies we got.

[MSKing] Time Machine and Kate & Leopold.

[Dad] No, I don't want to see them. You two go ahead.

[Mom] You don't want to see Time Machine?

[Dad] The new one?

[Mom] Yes.

[Dad] Oh, great! Let's watch that tonight.
I didn't hear you.

[MSKing] LOL You just heard "Mumble, mumble," and thought, damnit, I don't want to see that!

[Mom] I hope you washed your hands.

[MSKing] I licked them, does that count?

[Mom] Do you want to have some broccoli for lunch?

[MSKing] I thought we could have the...asparagus?
I mean the leftover brussel sprouts.

[Mom] Yeah, that's what I meant to say too. Brussel sprouts.

Oh, god. It runs in the family. I am doomed...doomed...

[Mom] Gee, you didn't eat very much.

[MSKing] Dude, I ate 1½ right in front of you.

[Mom] You did?
Geez, kiddo, you sure inhaled that!

[MSKing] I inhaled and the food went in.
And then I exhaled and it didn't come out again.
Because that's not the right end.

Hi. I'm five. *holds up four fingers*

[Dad] It sounds like you'll just have to unplug the modem every time you want to use the scanner.

[MSKing] That's like ripping my arm off just so I can use my foot.

[Dad] Awwwwww
Just a minute while I get my violin.

[MSKing] He's so sarcastic. *sniff* I've taught him so well! :)

[Firebyrd] Yes, I'm sure your mother and father will weep with you.

[MSKing] they'll make fun of me. They are cruel. I taught them too well, darn it

[MSKing] I'm starving. *gnaws on arm*

[Firebyrd] Hmm....I'm not starving, but I'm hungry. What're you going to feed me?

[MSKing] Eat your own foot! *clutches foot*

[Firebyrd] *pouts* But yours are so small and dainty!

[MSKing] Exactly. Yours will fill you up more.
Besides, I kinda need them to walk to the fridge.

[Firebyrd] LOL
Why would that matter to me? :-)

[MSKing] You'd have to listen to me whine if I couldn't get to food.
Although, the chair does have wheels...I might be able to pole my way to the fridge.

[Firebyrd] LOL
And the fridge is very close to the cmoputer.

[MSKing] But the path is so narrow and the chair so wide!
*swoons*

[MSKing] This is what happens when my brain is on vacation.

[Friend] =):

[MSKing] I'll let you know when he's back. *sighs*

[Friend] LOL

[MSKing] Although, he did say "I'm not coming back this time!" so it may be a while.

[Firebyrd] It's just that you're so predictable. :-)

[MSKing] *whimper*
*hides under a pile of sand*

[Firebyrd] *makes a sand castle*

[MSKing] *bursts out of the castle, thankfully clothed*
Don't even ask me to dance.

Telemarketers...

[TM] Is this *** speaking?

[MSKing] I'm sorry. She doesn't live here anymore.

[TM] Oh, okay, I'll call back later.

Reh? O.o
And another time:

[TM] I'm *** from *mumblemumble*. Is there a good time that I could call back?

[MSKing] ATMC?

[TM] Yes *mumblemumble*.

[MSKing] Well, what does ATMC do?

[TM] Uhh, we're a phone company.

She might as well have worked in fast food. She's got all the skills: inability to listen and get your order right AND inability to speak clearly so you know she needs correcting.

My mom was trying to kill a fly on the blinds with a fly swatter...

[MSKing] You're really going to need a bigger weapon if you want to kill the blinds.